Sin...As Black as Could Be!! Part 1

We, as the church, all agree that divorce is an ugly subject, a forbidden issue at some churches, just because, we believe, that God hates divorce.

We believe that we are mandated by the Word of God to keep that which is evil out of the church because it is the House of the Lord, and woe be it unto us to allow someone who has been tainted by divorce to lead a church or a Sunday School class, or start a divorce support group within the church. A divorce support group would look like a group all by itself with people who in some way, sinned against their spouse, and is now going through a divorce...a divorce that is a sin against God!

Yes, divorce is full of sin! It is evil when a man abandons family and God and co-habitates with his mistress. The issue of adultery brings on a force of evil that vomits jealousy all over it with vengeance and hatred and manipulation while on the other side permits sexual sin, irresponsibility with income, alcoholism, a huge mentality of self, self-seeking and false accusations against their spouse. It entangles the lives of not only two lives, but sometimes four lives and the lives of each couple's children, and family and friends of each couple.  Alcoholism and drug abuse spreads like a tsunami as it rips into the marriage, causing role reversals of partners, all types of abuse, a large depletion of income and financial worries. It causes selfishness and greed and apathy against the marriage...all because of the craving of a bottle and a needle. It pushes away from the marriage, and each spouse spins out of control from a marriage gone bad. A divorce that happens just because both spouses grew apart and no longer desire to be together is a marriage unplanned, uncommitted, a marriage that opens the door to the more notorious sins...adultery, greed, manipulation, and like-gender relationships.

The results of divorce are devastating. It means an incredible loss of income due to the split and living in two households, astronomical legal fees, counseling fees...sending millions into deep poverty...poverty that some cannot escape from, unless there is help and the compassion of Jesus. Divorce causes heart break beyond belief that shatters the emotions of spouses left betrayed, rejected, abandoned - left to fend for themselves. Divorce leaves a hole in a person that creates debilitating sadness, causing the betrayed person to pull within themselves a sense of catostrophic unworthiness, hopelessness and fear...that becomes their only guide... unless the church steps into their lives and wraps their hearts around the broken pieces with hope, and encouragement, and strength. Falsehoods become truths and truths become falsehoods - a picture that exudes the very evil and craftiness of satan, the father of deception.  It always binds their spouse from any knowledge of their sin, yet when the deception is exposed, the deception turns into a rage of accusations, placing blame against the unsuspecting spouse, wringing out any kind of trust that existed within the marriage...unless the church reaches out and shows them a better way...a way to fully trust in the Word of God. Divorce is as black as can be.

But that's not all. Because divorce is so ugly, it causes some churches to close their hearts to those who are hurting the most. It causes Christians to make remarks like, "I'm not divorced, so I won't have anything to do with their divorce. It causes churches to make extremely unfair policies when it comes to employment, never considering the fact of the one who was dealt treacherously against by their spouse...God hates that sin of divorce, but He sustains the righteous and the blameless, He does not shame those who face the evil (of their spouse), and He richly supplies those who are facing famine...Psalm 37:16-19.

Yet, if the divorced are dealt treacherously against... by the church, then Jesus has something to say about that too. Part 2>

Sin...As Black as Can Be! Part 2

³⁷ While Jesus was speaking, a Pharisee asked him to dine with him, so he went in and reclined at table. ³⁸ The Pharisee was astonished to see that he did not first wash before dinner. ³⁹ And the Lord said to him, “Now you Pharisees cleanse the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. ⁴⁰ You fools! Did not he who made the outside make the inside also? ⁴¹ But give as alms those things that are within, and behold, everything is clean for you.

⁴² “But woe to you Pharisees! For you tithe mint and rue and every herb, and neglect justice and the love of God. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. ⁴³ Woe to you Pharisees! For you love the best seat in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces. ⁴⁴ Woe to you! For you are like unmarked graves, and people walk over them without knowing it.”

 Luke 11:37-44. (English Standard Version)

Ten years ago, I was married to my first husband. When I came across a person who was divorced, I kept away from them, so as not to become entangled with the sin that was in their lives...or so I thought. I had no idea what a divorce was all about, except to think that I had no inclination, as a Christian, to reach out to them...because I would be exposed to sin...and I, as a Christian, was taught to flee from sin, and I was not supposed to have anything to do with their sin...and so my divorced friend never heard from me again. SHAME ON ME!!

Yet, this is what I did not understand at the time. I needed to know that my heart that I had given to Christ was to indeed be used to heal the broken-hearted...because Christ lived in my heart. I needed to understand the audacity of the sin of the spouse, so that I could pull up the righteous spouse and hold them and embrace them...because they faced such wretchedness and evil from their spouse. And then, the only way that I saw all of that was through my own broken heart when my ex divorced me, and told me that he had never loved me...from our wedding day. And he was a pastor...of three churches. My life was devastated! I needed to be embraced by the Church...and yes, some did just that...they embraced me and loved me like Jesus loves us...but I also experienced some others, who were Christians, who turned their backs on me.

CHURCH! There are those sins that are very evident in the lives of others - especially those who are evil, BUT then there is the sin of total disobedience against God's Word when we are commissioned to act upon the very ministry of Christ, when He said,

 "“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.  

He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
    and recovering of sight to the blind,
    to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
¹⁹ to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.” Luke 4:18-19

And when we turn our backs on those who are hurting because of the sins of their spouse, THEN OUR SIN IS AS BLACK AS CAN BE! Our sin of omission parallels with the very sin of the spouse that deals treacherously against their own spouse. 

The sin of betrayal 

(did you reject a person because they were divorced?)

  

The sin of abandonment 

(did you leave them to fend for themselves?)  

The sin of emotional abuse 

(did you leave them splattered in their chair because you refused to listen to their pain?) is the same sin that Jesus hates in divorce...the sins of the church that are as black as can be. 

Will you be the outstretched Arms of Christ, or remain in the tombs of the pharisees?

 

Voices From the Divorced...

The following statements are from women who are divorcees or women who are facing divorce...and their thoughts towards the church they attend. There are those churches out there that are very supportive of people of divorce and will mentor and minister to them as the Body of Christ should...however, and unfortunately, there is another side to "the church". These true statements have been posted with permission of each person. 

 

 "While my husband is living with his mistress and playing in a worship team, my daughter and I have been avoided and ignored by the church conference in the area."

A.C.

"I AM A DIVORCED WOMAN. I AM HUNGRY HEARTED AND I AM NEEDY,
BUT PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE ME HARSHLY!!

I am now one of those "labelled".
I am now that "one" that you don't really know what to do with.
I am one of "those" who doesn't fit into a box.
I am one of those you label "vulnerable" ( probably with good reason).
I am the one you don't like to invite for dinner because you are uncomfortable I'm not a couple.
I am the one the singles dont want around as let's be honest I'm not exactly "single".
I'm the one you are uncomfortable with when you see me talking with men.
I am the one the ladies don't like asking out to ladies nights because I have my kids in tow
as all my babysitters are on the night out.
I am the one who cries when something in my house or car breaks down and I have to go pleading to one of the men in the church for help and when I do, one of the dear married ladies will caution me "not to get too close" or ask me is it a good idea to ask so and so to fix my machine? While inside Im dying with humiliation and thinking surely it's more dangerous to ask an unsaved worker into my home to do the repairs? I say to each of you dear married sisters please please think before you counsel.
I am the one who sits alone at night when the kids have gone to bed not knowing what I'm supposed to do with myself. I can't go out as I've no minder yet you say I shouldn't be watching TV it pulls me down?? So tell me what would you do night after night if you were me?
Yes I'm needy, I live with the feelings raging in my heart! Yes I'm vulnerable, it reaches down to my every part.
Surrender you say? Honestly do you think that takes the pain away? Would you say that to a widow?
I am a widow with no death, no closure, no grieving process and according to you - no hope.
I am the one that makes you uncomfortable as I don't fit into a mould.
I am the one who brings shame on our church and a blot to it's name.
I am the one who's watched and told if I remarry I'm setting my kids up to fail.
I am the one the single male's fear even if they have a regard, they fear the looks, the stares and the comments from you.
I am her, I know it!
You don't know what to do with me.
I am hungry hearted,
I am needy - but please do not judge me harshly!"
K. D. 

"Please look beyond the brave face of a single mom and her kids when they come to church and church functions. Don't allow them to sit uncomfortably in the shadows, include them. Be sensitive to the fact that the kids are hurting and are hyperaware that their own family is not like the others anymore. Have compassion. I felt it critical to "toe the line" and continue to raise my children in the church and around godly influences. Instead of looking at the broken family with fear that they might taint your church community or send mixed messages, try esteeming the mom who is preserving to pursue all things holy as a woman like Timothy's mother and grandmother. S. S.

My pastor preaches that divorce is a sin and that married families should be cautious visiting the divorced. Anonymous