Voices From the Divorced...

The following statements are from women who are divorcees or women who are facing divorce...and their thoughts towards the church they attend. There are those churches out there that are very supportive of people of divorce and will mentor and minister to them as the Body of Christ should...however, and unfortunately, there is another side to "the church". These true statements have been posted with permission of each person. 

 

 "While my husband is living with his mistress and playing in a worship team, my daughter and I have been avoided and ignored by the church conference in the area."

A.C.

"I AM A DIVORCED WOMAN. I AM HUNGRY HEARTED AND I AM NEEDY,
BUT PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE ME HARSHLY!!

I am now one of those "labelled".
I am now that "one" that you don't really know what to do with.
I am one of "those" who doesn't fit into a box.
I am one of those you label "vulnerable" ( probably with good reason).
I am the one you don't like to invite for dinner because you are uncomfortable I'm not a couple.
I am the one the singles dont want around as let's be honest I'm not exactly "single".
I'm the one you are uncomfortable with when you see me talking with men.
I am the one the ladies don't like asking out to ladies nights because I have my kids in tow
as all my babysitters are on the night out.
I am the one who cries when something in my house or car breaks down and I have to go pleading to one of the men in the church for help and when I do, one of the dear married ladies will caution me "not to get too close" or ask me is it a good idea to ask so and so to fix my machine? While inside Im dying with humiliation and thinking surely it's more dangerous to ask an unsaved worker into my home to do the repairs? I say to each of you dear married sisters please please think before you counsel.
I am the one who sits alone at night when the kids have gone to bed not knowing what I'm supposed to do with myself. I can't go out as I've no minder yet you say I shouldn't be watching TV it pulls me down?? So tell me what would you do night after night if you were me?
Yes I'm needy, I live with the feelings raging in my heart! Yes I'm vulnerable, it reaches down to my every part.
Surrender you say? Honestly do you think that takes the pain away? Would you say that to a widow?
I am a widow with no death, no closure, no grieving process and according to you - no hope.
I am the one that makes you uncomfortable as I don't fit into a mould.
I am the one who brings shame on our church and a blot to it's name.
I am the one who's watched and told if I remarry I'm setting my kids up to fail.
I am the one the single male's fear even if they have a regard, they fear the looks, the stares and the comments from you.
I am her, I know it!
You don't know what to do with me.
I am hungry hearted,
I am needy - but please do not judge me harshly!"
K. D. 

"Please look beyond the brave face of a single mom and her kids when they come to church and church functions. Don't allow them to sit uncomfortably in the shadows, include them. Be sensitive to the fact that the kids are hurting and are hyperaware that their own family is not like the others anymore. Have compassion. I felt it critical to "toe the line" and continue to raise my children in the church and around godly influences. Instead of looking at the broken family with fear that they might taint your church community or send mixed messages, try esteeming the mom who is preserving to pursue all things holy as a woman like Timothy's mother and grandmother. S. S.

My pastor preaches that divorce is a sin and that married families should be cautious visiting the divorced. Anonymous